Motherhood has never been my thing. I feel it is hard, cruel, difficult, extremely complex, exhausting, suffocating and absurdly overwhelming. But I accept it as best I can because I decided of my own free will to get into that mess. Thank goodness I never idealized it and I face it head on, no matter what, without hiding reality. This is why since my son and daughter were born I dreamed of their departure.
It sounds heartless, but from very early on I understood that the children are not ours. They are from life. And it is a life that is beyond one's own. While they are with us we give them a structure, a support, a center, an anchor or roots. Sooner or later the moment comes when the support breaks, the center expands, the anchor moves and the roots lengthen. They no longer fit in our nest.
It is an excellent sign that their wings open, that their horizon expands, that their ideals do not agree with yours and it is even better that they do not need you. It sounds harsh, but it is so. The nest has to be emptied. They are in search of their own dreams, their own way of living, their own decision-making. They are the owners of their destiny. Only then can they build their nest.
My firstborn left 6 months ago and to be honest I must say that, although the term “empty nest syndrome” always seemed exaggerated to me, it is the most real thing I have ever felt. He gave me 7 days before he left and 7 days after he left. I had palpitations, sweating, insomnia, anguish, nightmares, restlessness, mood swings, chronic worry, uncontrollable crying and heart break. I couldn't go through his room. I smelled him wherever I walked. I heard his voice, I missed his hugs and his bad jokes. If the “soulless mother”, the one who was “prepared to leave” gave me pain that cannot be described in words, what will become of the others? That pain is lessened little by little by understanding several things. On the one hand, we must accept that the “cord” has already been completely cut, that they must walk alone and not with you and that “others” are needed in their world.
And to remove the pain completely you invent your antidotes. I have two. The first is to ask daily and with all my strength that you feel full, happy and fulfilled. And the second understand that the nest has to be emptied. And more than for them, that emptiness is for you.
It's the perfect space for a second chance!
Maria Varga
Social Communicator-Journalist
university extership of Colombia
Bogota Colombia.
Human Resources Management Specialist
Technological University of Bolívar
Cartagena Colombia.
